Happy Thumper's Birthday

So Apparently Saturday night, I found out the true meaning of Easter through the eyes of a Jewish person...

For once it was a Saturday I didn't have to work, which was nice. I got up around noon just in time for the rain to stop and the sun to begin to shine. After running some obligatory errands, I made my way back home and was invited to my neighbor's house for some dinner. Bart* and Mavid* are usually pretty hospitable like that. (*Denotes a false identity or name)

After some mouthwatering steaks, we played a rousing game of Sorry! (The game of sweet revenge) with Mavid's girlfriend, Shmatie* It was a lot of fun. After soundly earning the 3rd place spot, my roommate busted in and started raving about how it was Saturday night and we needed to be out somewhere. Naturally, there was no argument against such logic, so I suited up and at the early hour of 11:15, we made our way down I-94 from Jeff Park to the Gold Coast.

Upon reaching Division and Clark, we were rewarded with a "rockstar" level parking space, (Directly in front of the place you're going) and headed in to Butch McGuire's fine drinking establishment. We sat quietly in what may have been the most lighted bar I personally have ever been to, and enjoyed a frosty mug of Bud Light. After our first beer, my roommate's friends showed up. I originally thought they were his friends from work, (you know how you make a guess? no? okay, just me then) but they turned out to be old friends of his from high school. Two girls, two guys, me, and my roommate. Six people total.

After consuming a few more beers a piece, (the girls drank vodka sodas) we decided it would be a good idea to head to McFadden's, which is usually reserved for large crowds of young people with bad fake ID's. I sauntered on. Almost immediately after entering the bar, we lost two people. (The guys, I think one's name was Mike, no asterisk) My roommate and I drank cold beers and took shots of SoCo/Lime and colorful "bombs." I was 20 again. We danced with a large group to the musical stylings of Christopher Wallace, and by the time we found the girls we came with, they were letting the female bartenders do body shots off of them. I was introduced to a number of other people that I didn't even try to remember, at which point I suggested shots of Jameson. (This is how you know I am already intoxicated.)

Apparently, at this bar McFadden's, anyone with a Y chromosone is allowed to dance on top of the bar, and make people tip back their heads to pour pink liquid, (from a bottle that used to be Southern Comfort) into their mouths. Awesome? You bet. There was some conversation about how we should head to another bar, and apparently no one realized that it was already 3AM. I tipped the bathroom attendant $2. (This is how you know I am a little beyond intoxicated.)

We hailed a cab and took off into the night. Someone either smartened up about the time, or was way drunk, because next thing you know we are searching for a breakfast place, telling the cab driver to turn around 3 times, and ending up at the restaurant that was actually 4 blocks from McFaddens. My roommate paid the fare, and the cabbie was appreciative.

We walk into what I think must have been a 3-star breakfast restaurant that apparently is open only when you are drunk enough to find it, but it will stay there as long as you need it. (Kind of like the Room of Requirement in the Harry Potter series.) By this point, I am flipping through the menu like it's a decision of which country I have to nuke, and I hear myself saying to no one in particular how, "this place is so nice!" (This is how you know I will not feel well the next day.) I get a call from my cousin, and he wishes me a Happy Easter. I wish him the same and a Happy Passover, (because he is half-Jewish) and the girl across the table grabs my phone to talk to him.

Apparently, she was pretty shocked I was related to a Jew, and they spoke at length about Passover and other Holy Days of Obligation in the Jewish Faith. She insisted he come meet us so he could marry her sister, he insisted that I order the corned beef hash, and I insisted to another girl that I was 6'2", as she deftly called me a liar.

The couple at the table next to us granted me 6'2", I got my corned beef hash skillet, (which came with 4 eggs on top!) and the girl who ordered Lox and eggs at 4AM came back from the bathroom with puke in her hair. This is when my roommate realized he lost his wallet.

It was even more strange that he wasn't upset about it at all, (probably because he had all the cash in his other pocket) but I was glad. We had a damned nice conversation with the Jewish girls about how their parents let them celebrate their dead rabbit's birthday every year as a form of Easter celebration because back in '96, they got a rabbit and named it Thumper. (Why this information is still in my head, I have no idea.)

All in all it was a great night, and I learned a few things: 1. Don't get all frustrated when you lose something, because it's not gonna do you any good, 2. If you're ever in the area of Clark and Division, WALK to Elly's and order the corned beef hash, and 3. Never underestimate a Saturday night out with no plans, they're usually the best. and I guess I also learned that there are still some good people in the world. (The cabbie found my roommate's wallet, and drove it back to our place!)