Episode II: The Gilbey's Strikes Back!

When we left our daring trio, they were nursing an epic hangover at the classiest of all establishments, John Barleycorn Schaumburg...

This day a hero was born. Sir William, had ordered the king of all bottom-shelf liquors. Gilbey's vodka. He was not swayed by enticements from the bartender, a beautiful temptress... Nor would he give in to his screaming liver, bruised and beaten, pleading for relief... And he would not accept a smoother, more tasteful vodka for his screwdriver. Simply, because he deserved the Gilbey's.

I perched unsteadily upon my stool between my bretheren, my comrades in arms. I had been sweating profusely for most of the morning. I tried to tell myself it was from the aching July heat, but I knew deep down that there was another reason...

I had mistakenly ordered a bloody mary with smirnoff vodka. It wasn't that it tasted badly, as much as my body would do anything to reject it at that point. Billy "gently" chided me for my poor decision, and recommended that Sean and I choke down our drinks and cross over into the glorious light provided by the saintly spirit he sipped.

After managing to get down the remainder of my bloody mary, I ordered a screwdriver, reminding the barkeep, "This time, make it a Gilbey's!" Her lip curled in disgust. (NOT a Gilbey's woman.) Billy already looked better, and Sean and I, desperate to regain our heads, clinked our glasses together and unsurely sipped our first taste of the divine ambrosiac.

When I think of Gilbey's vodka, I think of the phrase that Ralph Wiggum made famous, "it tastes like burning!" But it was a burning that would continue to warm my heart. I would rank Gilbey's as the "Choicest" of the bottom shelf vodkas, probably placing it somewhere above a Sascha or Dmitri, and just above a Skol. (gilbey's is NOT beneath any spirit.) If you can drink a martini made from Gilbey's vodka, you are either God or Satan and it is Armageddon.

I would like to make clear that Gilbey's Vodka is actually delicious. It is the best vodka for mixing a cocktail, and the premium bottom-shelved vodka. You will know when you hold the bottle that you have made the right decision beacause unlike most other bottom-shelf liquors, it comes in a glass bottle. But I digress.

Within 3 sips of my Gilbey's screwdriver, I was on top of the world. Back at 100%, and with a few more familiar faces joining us, I was elated. While we may have not been able to convince everyone else in the bar to HAVE a Gilbey's, the Spirit of the Spirit was certainly in the air. By the time the wedding party showed up, John-Boy, Zach, Noah, Sean, Billy, and myself were the liveliest bunch of assholes you have ever known. We had about 10,000 advertisement pitches for Gilbey's, and we were laughing unneccesarily for the whole tavern to hear.

On our way out the door, (We DID actually have to go to the wedding), we were offered v.i.p. passes from the manager, probably for seeming like we were having such a great time. He offered me his business card and told me he could, "get in any girls you bring here for free." or maybe it was half-price. Thanks but no thanks, asshole, we've got a scene to make.

We made our way to the hotel, which I believe was the Marriott, but at that point it no longer mattered. We entered the building like the scene before the gunfight in the movie Tombstone. Copius amounts of adult beverages later, we were allowed to enter the dining hall. Never, in my life have I heard so many people ask so many times what kind of well vodka they were serving that night.

The rest of the night was a blur. A beautiful celebration of live and love and friendship. And Gilbey's. Table 16 was marked from the moment we entered, even going so far as to have the maid of honor convince to give us a shout-out, "brought to you from the people at gilbey's vodka." That blur, transformed into a whirlwhind.

Evidence of Gilbey's magical powers:



This is Sean before he tried Gilbey's vodka. >

Below is afterwards...


We knew the Gilbey's was working, because it improved our dancing... >>>
And our conversational skills.
In the end, we had the night of our lives. Some girl lost a boyfriend, and a couple people vomited. But certainly, it wasn't anything that couldn't be cured by a stiff Gilbey's cocktail.

In closing, I realize that this story may seem far-fetched or stupid, but the next time you are sitting hungover in a church pew, and look down to see the name of the vocal soloist is actually SANDY JUNGKUNTZ, you should know that it's time for a Gilbey's. Hey, it worked for them!! (below)brought to you by the drinkers of Gilbey's. When it's a life-altering mistake, wash it down with another. GILBEY'S.