A Tale of Two Gilbeys: Vodka & Gin (Part I)

This is a story of true love and bliss. It all started back when the Greek was getting married. I had been beckoned to join my friends for some drinks after a wedding rehearsal. The infamous Sarah (see other blogs) was in the wedding along with our other friend. This other friend shall be named Crash since I don't know if she wants the people knowing who she is. So Crash and Sarah were there drinking with their BF's Dan and John Boy. It was a grand ol' time. The ladies eventually had to leave since they had an early morning. Us boys weren't done having fun yet, so we tried to think of a classy establishment to keep the evening low key. We suggested the fancy Cadillac Ranch since it has the best reputation in town for high class folks. I remember Sarah and Crash mumbling something about not being late to the church in the morning. We should have had her define late.

Well the shit show at the Ranch inevitable ensued. There were shots, beer pong, boobs and another shot or two. For those of you who don't know, I live about 500 ft from the ranch and it was the kind of night that ended with cab rides (yes, that kind of night). We sent John Boy on his way (after a drink or two back at my place) and agreed to meet him for breakfast in the morning after we picked him up to bring him back to his car.

At breakfast, we thought we'd sit outside since it was so nice out. WORST IDEA EVER! Hot sun and hang overs don't go together just cause they begin with the same letter. After getting some food in us, Dan and I still felt like crap while John Boy was smiling like a champ. Apparently, he yacked as soon as he got home last night. Way to take one for the team. Dan and I shook our fist in spite and said, "well played."

I agreed to pick Dan up on our way to the church, and picked up another couple of friends. We didn't figure hangover speed into our time calculations and got to the church just as the wedding party was lining up to walk down the isle. Time to spare if you ask me. We didn't want to be too rude and walk through the wedding party lines, so we just sat on the grooms side even though we were with the bride.

Some of the discussions we had at the church while at the wedding:

-Hey look! It's Billy. I heard he got in town yesterday and got really fucked up in the city. -Yeah he looks like shit! (Not really, he always looks good, but he felt as bad as I look)

-Why the fuck do we keep swearing in church? Is that bad? Does Jebus still love me?

-Hey look at the last name of the singer! ...Jungkuntz! (All out riot of laughter breaks out on both sides of the isle as we had to send Billy the info through text. First time I ever cried at a wedding. Too bad it was cuz I was laughing so damn hard. More to come on Ms. Jungkuntz in part II)

-This hangover sucks. I think I got sunburned at breakfast. Shit.

-Who invited Billy anyways?

-Zach, are you sure you really want to get married? This looks like it sucks.


You may kiss the bride...blah blah blah.

We grab Billy, John Boy, Peoria Pete and a couple other gun slingers and head to John Barley Corn between wedding and reception.

Hello Hot waitress!!

"We are hungover and hurting, and yes we always look this good. What can you do to help us?"

"I make a mean bloody mary!" says waitress McBoobs.

group, "YUCK"

"How about a screw..."

"YES!" I blurted.

"..driver"

"Oh, yeah I guess that'll do....for now ha ha "

"Vodka preference?

Dan and I agree to whatever, when Billy stumbles into the greatest moment of our lives.

"Just give me bottom shelf", says the hill 'Billy' from the south.

"You don't want that, it's really bad. Smirnoff is only a buck more."

"NO, I want bottom shelf."

"No you don't it's terrible. Some crap called Gilbeys."


"I LOVE GILBEYS!!!"

The music stopped as the entire bar turned with the "What the hell is Gilbeys" expression on their faces.

End part I